Okay,not okay

It's been a while since I signed in here. Forgive my inconsistent,almost unavailable and close to lazy self. Yes I just referred to myself as lazy,for lack of a better word to describe a writer who goes for two weeks tops without writing or having a plan for a thing as such there of. Consider this the most personal I could ever get. I have battled the thought of having this here for a while and I guess I should get started before I change my mind for the a hundredth time.

My mother is home,only when she's getting ready to sleep or when she's asleep. She gets up early to leave for work and returns when the 7:00pm news bulletin is halfway done. She's not answerable to anyone in the least,me. So when I confronted her about it in a way I thought was best,it didn't rub her well. It was just as I expected,she became mad at me and accused me of being ungrateful and not acknowledging her efforts to make sure we're given the best upbringing. First of all we're already up,how much higher than this does it ever get? For the record the youngest person in our household is 18,perhaps you can agree she need not work that hard. Or better put,not for us. When I grilled her about us being good and she should take it easy,her answer was a bullet to the brain. I don't have pension like your dad. I am glad the statement was in first person.

Mom and I do not have a bad relationship,we hardly have any at all. She's a figure that reprimands and prays for me. I am not blaming anyone about this,not today. Quarantine period was the best and perhaps only time to bond with her. I am a grown lady with kids tendencies. I like to play,I complain over small things,I get excited by even smaller things.,on average I am easy to please. I looked forward to having mom around and be a kid to the fullest. In her absence someone has to fill in and take motherly charge. To decide on what meals to prepare and make the same in good time,ensure the house is clean and laundry is done. Adjust the shoe till it fits. I am a foodie who cannot skip a meal so I will cook,in good time,not that I am the eldest or most responsible,adjust the shoe..

The one time I am resourceful to mom is when she needs lunch or when she wants to instruct on dinner. She'll give a call and delve straight to her instruction and hung up right afterwards. This is one of the two times when I always feel miserable. She can pick my call and say okay and hang up. Okay to that meal and that she's sending someone over to pick it.

A family is bound by blood,willingness and if you're lucky by love too. I love love. If you showed me a little love I'll love you bad. I hope I'll make a great mom .

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